Day 2

What a crazy morning it has been already. First and foremost I'm staring at a big pile of papers sitting on my desk that absolutely have to be sorted and filed. Last night as I lay in bed my to do list kept playing over and over in my mind like a movie reel. If only I would have just stood up and started on the list I'm certain that that I would have at least been able to fall asleep for an hour or so instead of laying there fretting about all of those "to dos" that need to be done....Dad always said, "why put off tomorrow what you can do today"....which got me to thinking...how many times have I thought to myself, "if only I would have "? My epiphany this morning was eerily similar to the second I stood staring at myself in the mirror at the ripe old age of 25 realizing that maybe, just maybe my parents weren't really all that ignorant. Maybe they actually did know what they were talking about when they offered up all of that unsolicited infinite wisdom. Maybe I should have listened a little more closely to at least half of what mom and dad told me.

My father has a gift for putting things into perspective with a random, strange sentences that would make most wonder if he's once again had one too many beers, or does the old man really know what he's talking about? Most of the time as a child I didn't even understand what he meant with his one-liner pieces of wisdom. And on a very rare occasion...he would offer up that wisdom not in just one sentence, but a conglomerate of them. Back then it was just too much for a little girl to grasp.

For example, one very hot summer day as a little girl I was playing next door barefoot in the neighbor's garage. I couldn't have been more than 8 years old. Now, I can promise that I had been in trouble more times than not for this infamous shoeless infraction. Even when I did take that extra second to throw on a pair of rubber flip flops, they came off of my feet the second I was out of my parents sight never to be seen again and of course I would forget where I took them off. As to be expected, I stepped on a board with a nail sticking out of the top and right into my heel it went. I ran home tears flowing, screaming for my Daddy to help me. My father calmly picked me up under the arms and set me on top of the kitchen counter and pulled out the board with one quick painful yank. My mother rushed into the kitchen and lovingly cleaned and dressed my wound while scolding me about my bare feet. I'll never forget this...my father looked at me and said matter of factly, "Kathie stop your crying. Your crying isn't going to fix anything....Daddy got the nail out and that's all I can do to help you. It's your own fault for not wearing shoes. Next time maybe you'll listen. Besides...don't worry, it'll feel better when it quits hurtin'." And so there it is...some of the best life lessons in six sentences to an 8 year old hysterical child that a father could pass on to his daughter. Life lessons that only now as a grown mother to four that I can truely appreciate:
1. Crying isn't going to fix anything. - tears have definately welled up in my eyes more than once throughout my lifetime. And wouldn't you know it, not one time did anything get solved or fixed or was anything constructive accomplished by those damn tears.
2. Daddy got the nail out and that's all I can do to help you - I can not count on all of my fingers and toes the number of times that Daddy got the nail out.....that day...the day my brother died...the day my first husband left...the day my second husband left, LOL...the day I was attacked...but once the nail was out...he never promised to fix it completely...he always did what he could and then expected me to do the rest.
3. It's your own fault for not wearing shoes....WOW...what a lesson to teach a child. I wish more parents would teach this lesson...accountability...responsibility for my actions. For me this was the hardest lesson to teach my kids. I always seemed to want to not believe that my kids weren't perfect. And last but definately not least...
4. It'll feel better when it quits hurtin'. A lesson about pain. Physical pain, emotional pain an unavoidable part of life...and a necessity-for without pain, we don't know pleasure so knowing how to handle it, how to navigate thru it is an art. I only realized once I had my own children how difficult it is to watch your child suffer....and how badly a mother (or father) just wants to take it away yet how impossible that is.

To my mother and father....thank you so much for all of your lessons in life...I think I finally get it...and here it is...what you've been waiting for...42 years in the making....You were right..crying doesn't fix anything, most of it has been my own fault, it actually does feel better when it quits hurtin, thank you both for getting the nails out and from now on...I'll always wear a good pair of shoes!